Thursday 21 June 2012

Just Your Standard Change in Direction

This little old blog, already in its second incarnation, has been a veritable hodge-podge of things so far, from my ranting about my own inability to function in life, why other people can't function in life around me and a couple of reviews of woeful adaptations. But it is the last one that has been the most fun, especially when it came to dissecting the BBC's Dracula. 

So I have a brief announcement for you all, nothing too drastic, nor erring on the dramatic side, just a quiet little note to tell you that this whole adaptations thing is going to become something of a regular feature around here. A focus if you will.

I'm a literary-minded person with a serious passion for film (some might call it obsession, but I'm not here to argue semantics) and therefore, from this day forth, the primary reason for this blog existing will be for me to share with you all my opinions regarding different literary adaptations of books to film. Now, as this gives me a fairly wide scope, I can only hope that this will be going for quite some time.

That being said, there probably will be an occasional post about my afore-mentioned inability to function in day-to-day life.

Now all I need is a film to watch. Suggestions on a stamped addressed envelope please!

Saturday 2 June 2012

Dracula Schmacula

I'm going to come right out and say this straight away; Bram Stoker's Dracula is one of my favourite novels and I love it unashamedly. That's not to say it's a good novel. Because it isn't, not by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I would go so far as to say it's probably the late Victorian equivalent of something like The Da Vinci Code, badly written, ludicrously over-complicated and somewhat overshadowed by the subsequent publicity. Despite all of this though, and unlike Dan Brown's "novel", it's a rollicking good read from start to finish with some of the most wildly melodramatic, hand-slamming-on-desk dialogue I've ever seen.

I am currently re-reading it for an essay I'm writing for my course (on anxieties surrounding evolution in the late Victorian novel if you wanted to know, but you probably didn't) and it sparked in me a desire to watch one of the countless adaptations that are on offer. So last night, off I popped to my DVD collection in search of Francis Ford Coppola's adaptation starring Keanu Reeves (winning the Worst Accent Ever award by a country mile, despite Winona Ryder's best efforts) and Gary Oldman chomping through the Gothic scenery. But, hidden at the back of the box, buried beneath the unusual combination of Battlestar Galactica and 10 Things I Hate About You, was the BBC adaptation of Dracula from back in 2006. I barely remembered it, other than that it had Marc Warren as the titular Count and a certain Mr Dan Stevens before he found fame as the dashing Matthew Crawley in Downton Abbey, so naturally decided to give it a viewing.

And oh my, what a viewing it was.

The BBC has been home to many a period drama over the years and it is something they are usually very, very good at. But this adaptation of Dracula is woeful to the point of laughable, and not in a 'so bad it's good' sort of way. It's just bad. To call it an adaptation is using the word in its very loosest sense. It takes some of the chief characters from the novel, makes the rest disappear and then writes them into a story that bears little to no resemblance to Stoker's original tale. Now I'm all for loose adaptations. Sometimes, if done well, they can be badly fantastic in their own right. As evidence for this, one of my favourite good-bad films is the Disney adaptation of The Three Musketeers which sees Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland and Oliver Platt bound around the French countryside with swords while Tim Curry snarls his way through the hammiest performance of Cardinal Richlieu you'll ever see. It's awful, but it has a very funny script and gets away with it because it's an enjoyable film to watch. The BBC adaptation of Dracula, however, makes that look like an Oscar winner.

Dracula the novel is built on various social anxieties that were plaguing the Victorians at the time of its release and amongst others, we've got immigration, technology and sexual relationships all appearing at various points. Around the latter half of the nineteenth century, sexually transmitted diseases were a bit of a worry and various social commentators were all het up about the prostitutes having it off with gentlemen and infecting them with all sorts of nasties. With all the bodily-fluid swapping going in Dracula, this is clearly a subtext in the novel with anyone drinking the vampire's blood becoming corrupted by it and basically transforming themselves into your standard prostitute stereotype. Stoker depicts human women as pure, innocent and lovely until the vampire women take over when they become sex-crazed maniacs, all heaving breasts and big hair. While this anxiety around sex and what it can do to your body is an undercurrent in the novel, the television adaptation decides to take this theme and proceed to beat you repeatedly over the head with it.

For Lord Holmwood (Dan Stevens) has been infected with syphilis by his wayward father and his unwitting mother meaning that, when he comes to marry the sweet, virginal yet clearly gagging for it Lucy Westernra (Sophia Miles), he doesn't want to consummate the marriage. But rather than telling her about it and explaining the situation like a normal person, he doesn't do this. In fact, he utters the biggest clunker in the entire script,with Captain Obvious hat planted firmly on his golden locks: "Society does not speak of that which it fears". So through a blood-worshipping cult which has absolutely no equivalent in the novel, he decides to hire the mysterious Count Dracula (Marc Warren) who can apparently cure him through a simple blood transfusion (I know that attempting to create a sense of mystery around Dracula to a vampire-savvy audience is something of a tall ask, but the dramatic irony here has all the subtlety of a solid gold brick). 

Moving swiftly on, the original novel's plot is somewhat over-complicated but this takes it to new levels; in order to cover his tracks, Holmwood hires the innocent Jonathan Harker (Rafe Spall), engaged to Mina (Stephanie Leonidas) who is Lucy's best friend, to fill all the requirements that Dracula has in order to move over to England. Meanwhile John Seward (a criminally underrated Tom Burke) is madly in love with Lucy and desperate to find out why Holmwood is being all shady and talking to the man who used to be the uncle in The Queen's Nose (Donald Sumpter). All this leads to the inevitable conclusion of defeating Dracula, though not quite because, as Buffy Summers observes in her own Count encounter, he always comes back. I won't give you a plot summary of the novel because a) it would take too long, so I'll link you to this for reference and b) maybe it will encourage you to read the book itself because it's ace and rest assured, it's much more interesting than the mystical cure for syphilis shocker.

Tom Burke spends the entire thing looking slightly bemused at the fact he's found himself in a such a batty production while David Suchet's Van Helsing, arguably the most famous character in the novel aside from the obvious, is relegated to little more than a cameo role in which he basically does a slightly demented Victorian version of Poirot. But both Dan Stevens and Stephanie Leonidas have to be commended on managing to make me laugh out loud in supposedly dramatic and emotional moments. Stevens is a great actor, but here decides to play Holmwood as the short-man-syndrome type, in fine nostril-flaring form with lots of enunciated but ineffectual yelling. Leonidas on the other hand, veers so quickly from being silently morose to overly emotional bereaved fiance that it leaves you spinning.

But perhaps what annoys me most about this adaptation is that it takes what is a fantastic opportunity for horror, blood and Gothicky goodness into a soul-sucking (pun intended), angst-filled and curiously non-dramatic drama. There is already so much drama and a ridiculous amount of plot in the novel, nearly half of which I haven't actually mentioned, that to create an entirely new story just seems stupid. Also, in giving Dracula a motive, something which other adaptations also try to do, they take away what is most terrifying about him; he has no motive other than propagating his own kind, infiltrating England and conquering another country just as he's been doing for generations. A personal vendetta is much less dangerous and with Dracula, the narratives that result from this are pretty small fry. Curiously enough, one of the only aspects of the novel to survive this brutal assassination on its character is the way in which blood transfusions are carried out with gay abandon and little regard for blood types or sterilised equipment. Poor old Jonathan Harker doesn't even make it past the prologue (despite being a main character in the novel), but inaccurate medical practices get given an entire scene to themselves.

I know I've ranted on a bit about this adaptation but it's a little upsetting that it might be the cause of people wandering around with this version of Stoker's great novel in their heads or worse, that it encourages them not to read it. The novel has always been overshadowed by its subsequent transference to screen but when it is something like Bela Legosi's iconic portrayal, Christopher Lee's menacing ability to loom on screen or even something as daft as Dracula: Dead and Loving It, they all show the novel a far greater respect than this BBC production. Stoker's only famous work is one of the most adapted and imitated novels in English literature (which sadly makes it inadvertently responsible for Twilight, but I'll let that one go) and it really deserves a great adaptation because, when I get the urge of an evening to procrastinate with a film, I want to watch one that truly does the book justice. Sorry BBC, but this was one period drama that not only failed to hit the mark, it sailed past it and disappeared over the horizon, laughing maniacally at its own awfulness.

Monday 21 May 2012

The Subtle Art of Being Clumsy

Romantic comedies, formulaic as they are, seem to have a go-to personality trait for their heroines that is supposed to inspire sympathy for their central character. That is, of course, clumsiness, which almost immediately elicits gasps of 'aww bless' for a woman who, up until the moment of falling on/into/over something, has actually been little more than a selfish, vacuous airhead. But hey, she fell over, that automatically makes her endearing!


The subtle art of clumsiness can appear in male characters too but it does appear to be mostly the female ones, for that added element of slapstick comedy when they inevitably get caught up in a dog lead/spill something stainable on their potential date's crisp white shirt/slip up in front of their new boss (Delete as appropriate).


Although not a romantic comedy, the most recent use of this character trait has been in the po-faced Twilight franchise; a key trait of Bella Swan's is that she's clumsy. Because that means she goes from being a two-dimensional character with all the personality of a herring to a two-dimensional character with all the personality of a herring who falls over a lot.

As a person for whom this happens all the time (as no doubt my flatmates would tell you) being clumsy really isn't as fun as it looks in the movies. Often, it's painful, embarrassing and never actually leads to you meeting that cute guy you see at the bus stop every Wednesday. It just makes him laugh under his breath and carry on listening to his iPod. And that moment when the heroine oh so hilariously dumps a convenient dollop of ketchup on a white blouse? Well that's a standard Tuesday night in the world of Becky Lea. Or how about when she stumbles in the street in her gorgeously over-priced high heels? In reality, this is usually a pre-cursor to a sprained ankle or blisters. Then again, if I'm having a really good day, it could be both.

So why is this such a valued trait for your romantic comedy heroine? Is there a formula to it? A way in which you can trip over your own feet, fall flat on your face and still look cool?

Probably not. Not in reality anyway.


I'd like to think that this clumsiness seemingly inherent in all of these rom-com heroines from Bridget Jones to that one in the Shopaholic film that I've clearly committed to memory, is just an attempt to make her more endearing. But I also can't help thinking that there's something a little more sinister at work because, after all, a typical rom-com plays out a little bit like a fairytale. You've got your heroine trapped in a tower, or in this case, unable to walk into an office without tripping over something, and who is always there? The prince charming, ready to sweep her off her feet gallantly, mop up the coffee she's no doubt spilled all over herself and generally starts to take care of her. And this is where I begin to have an issue. It's all part of this constant need to show that women need to be rescued.


These women seemingly can't function without a man there ready to catch her when she over-balances due to the sheer amount of shopping she's carrying. It's an amazing trend in romantic comedies that once a heroine has been helped out by her blatantly obvious love interest with her winning ability to crash into things inappropriately, they're suddenly able to walk down a street without the teeniest hint of a wobble. They've been rescued from the Leaning Tower of Imbalance and get to be all princess-like with their ruggedly handsome hero.


But I don't need rescuing thank you very much. I'm fairly sure that even if someone did manage to catch me, I'd probably drag them over too and it would be nowhere near as good as the orange juice moment in Notting Hill.


So I will continue to spill drinks, fall over and generally make an idiot of myself unwittingly for as long as I shall live. Granted, I would not object if Ryan Reynolds did appear to help me up but I would not suddenly feel 'complete' if he did so.


In fact, I'd probably just fall straight back over again.

Tuesday 7 February 2012

Roses are red, violets are blue

Ah Valentine's Day.

For many, February the 14th will be a day of romance, chocolates and ridiculously mushy (and terrible) poetry. For others, it will be day to retreat from the world, bemoan your singleton status and start deciding whether or not to get a cat. I'm currently single and my normal reaction is the one previously mentioned (except the cat part, I'm allergic). But this year, the day of hearts and flowers has approached quickly and I've yet to restrain myself from ripping apart a Valentine's Day card in some vain attempt at making myself feel better.

Instead, I'm looking at the positive side. Valentine's Day is actually a pretty good time of year to be single when you think about it and here are my reasons.



1). You don't have to worry about the expense of it all. Whether in a long-term relationship or still in that honeymoon period where all you want to do is tell the world that you're in a couple, it is a day to demonstrate how much you love that person holding your hand. This will most likely come in the form of a gift. It could be ostentatious, subtle or slightly pretentious but it will cost you time and money.

2). Speaking of costing you money, if you decide to go out for a romantic candlelit dinner, chances are you'll go to a restaurant that you've both been to before and really like. Only this time, it will be a set menu and it will cost you approximately three times the price of a normal meal there. For no apparent reason other than it's Valentine's Day.

3). Then, if you're single, there's all the discounted stuff you can take advantage of and DON'T have to share! For example, today I bought a Toblerone for only £2. That's all the triangular chocolatey-goodness that is entirely for me. And don't even get me started on the ice cream offers.

4). There's no real need to make an effort. Sure if you're in a relationship that you don't feel you need to make an effort because you're so loved up it doesn't matter, that's great. But if you're single, you can spend the entire day in your pajamas, watching TV, eating the afore-mentioned discounted chocolate and not have to worry that you're about to spend a fortune on one day of the year that places emphasis on making it extra lovely for that special person in your life.


So before you tear up that one Valentine's Day card you got from your mum, or rush out to buy yourself a feline companion, just think it isn't actually that bad to be single on Valentine's Day. Yes you may have to put up with that schmooshy couple indulging in outrageous PDAs on public transport and you may want to pop every heart-shaped balloon that comes your way. But, you'll have saved a ton of money by not being in a relationship [unless you spent it all on ice cream].

That being said, I'm off out to get blind drunk with friends and forget what day it is.